At the end of this week, I am celebrating Christmas with my family. My mom's side of family is celebrating Christmas this Saturday. TRUTHFULLY, I have been trying to get of going. Its not that I really don't like my family its just .... complicated.
I could start at the begining but the begining was great! Even the middle was okay. Its just the present that I really don't like! Am I the only one that feels this way? Okay I made a promise to myself that I would be honest on my blog, so here it goes.
The real reason why I don't want to go this Saturday is because I feel like everybody is judging me. That I don't fit in. I know I shouldn't feel this way or anything but I do. And I don't really know how to fix it! I don't think my parents would understand why I really wouldn't like to go. They would think I am just making up an excuse to not be there.
It just feels weird being there. Everybody is looking at me! I'm not married, not dating, haven't finished college, working at a low-paying job, and is pretty pitful! In my mom's side of family you really have to be someone to fit in. It feels all my life that I have really never fit in on that side. Well not even on my dad's side. Sometimes it seems that I don't even fit in anywhere. I can remember a time when I was in 4-H. I just won in rabbit. It seemed that it really didn't matter to some people. Don't get me wrong my parents were proud of me and my grandma. Its just some other people in my family were like, "Good job on whatever you did". Even when I got my state and american degree.
I know one of the problems is that I can't keep my mouth shut. I do wish that my family would be able to speak about everything that has happened. Nobody really talks about the "Elephant in the room". It has never really happened. I think maybe if we spoke about the "elephant" I would feel so much better.
I know I am not perfect in this world and I will never be. Its just that I wish that .........
Anyways enough about me going on and on about stupid things. I hope you guys and gals have a WONDERFUL Christmas! Remember that is the day Jesus the Christ was born. Don't forget the real reason why we celebrate Christmas. Also I thought I would mention it is the Season for Giving. Give whatever you can. It is better to give then to recieve!!!!